The Male Species form of Communication

Is it just me, or does the male species only communicate with one another through

movie quotes?

It's no joke. The other day I was at my lil brothers 22nd Birthday party at this great dive in Solana Beach. As girls always do I am listening to 5 other conversations around the table while participating in my own and suddenly I'm completely caught up in awe over my two brothers conversation. Now one might think that my interest was peaked in their direction because of their highly intellectual level of conversation, right? Nope. That simply wasn't the case, come on these are my brothers we are still talking about. An intellectual conversation? Doubtful under any circumstance. No, what grabbed my full attention to their conversation was that the last 20 minutes of talk was done in movie quotes.

They seriously had a whole conversation reciting to one another the quotes from movies. But what was even more amazing was that they were not talking ABOUT the movie! Nope, they were talking to each other as only males can using the quotes from movies they had seen.

My older brother was telling my youngest brother about how great his bachelor party cruise was going to be. What they were going to do. What they were going to feel like before, during and after the cruise all through the reciting of movie quotes AND my youngest brother completely understood what my older brother was talking about. He would nod his head in agreement, laugh in the right moments and respond with his own movie quotes in response to my older brothers questions and stories. I mean HOLY COW! AND they are not the only males that I have observed using this form of communication.

Pay attention ladies, they all do it!

In fact, just the other day I went on a date with this guy who tried communicating like this with me! Now you have to understand something about me; I do like movies and I do watch them, but ask me who starred in them or the name of a particular actor in a movie and FORGET IT! Unless it's Brad or Angelina I'll have no idea who it is.
So for this guy to think I'd respond to his movie quote with my own movie quote as a form of communication between us must be nuts! I had to shut this idea down and shut it down fast. So I simply asked:

Read any good books lately?

Let Me Introduce You

I want to introduce you to somebody but let me start by beginning with our first encounter back in October '07.

It begins like this:
I am newly single dancing it up at Club Tao in Las Vegas. Feeling free and content with my new status for the first time since the break-up 3 months prior to a boy who thought he was a man. I'm not on the prowl, not looking for a guy to dance with or buy me a drink. I just feel great dancing on the platform overlooking the sea of dancers on the dance floor and happy I am not one of them squished amongst the sweaty club goers like a sardine in a can. I am there with one of my best girls, her man and some other people I do not know. We have a VIP table and everyone is socializing and doing their thing; full glasses of liquor in their hand, a cig dangling precariously and forgotton from the fingertips of their other hand as they scream into the ear of the person next to them and attempt a conversation over the pumping music. I am avoiding it all, even the liquor, my buzz is still lingering from dinner and besides I hate waking up sick. I am a morning person and love my workouts.
Tonight I am up on the dance platform dancing like its nobody's business, minding my own business and loving every moment of it. I am free, single and a damn good catch.
Out of no where one of the bouncers approaches me and yells into my ear that there is someone at another table that has requested my presence. I tell the bouncer "No Thanks, I am good where I'm at" he looks at me curiously and asks if I am sure? It's obvious that it doesn't happen very often that a girl would turn down the opportunity to meet some guy willing to throw down a few grand for a VIP table for a couple hours at one of vegas' hottest clubs. And apparently I can't either, because as he begins to walk away, confused and shaking his head I reach out to grab his shoulder. I am not sure why I did it, its so not like me to do things like that but I am single now and this is what being single is all about, right? Meeting new people and putting yourself out there? And besides my best girl is busy with her guy so I tell the bouncer "okay".

He lifts me up and over the dividers seperating the VIP tables and carries me over to where I have been requested like a waiter would serve a drink to his guests.
As he plunks me down, I scan my new group of "friends" and I suddenly regret my decision. It's a group of 4 or 5 guys one of which is sucking face to the point of intercourse with a girl whose face I cannot see. My first thought is to turn and walk away. No one is dancing and everyone is just standing around with expressionless faces. I look longingly over to my table but there is no one looking my way, no one to send my secret SOS signal pleeing for a sly action that would release me from my current situation.

Oh well, I hate being rude so I stay and begin to move my hips to the beat of the music determined to make the best of my situation until I can make a clean getaway without anyone noticing.
Before long one of the quiet boys approaches me, his name is Tucker. I tell him mine and we begin to dance and attempt a conversation. The typical "where are you from" - we find out we are both from California, "what are you doing here" - work related, etc. We begin to dance with the beat that is cursing through our bodies, moving closer and closer until our hips meet and our bodies are so close they become one. We stare intently into each others eyes, never taking them off the other. We are no longer attempting small talk, what's the point? Suddenly we are kissing passionately, feverishly, intensely. Our kisses are perfect, no awkward teeth knocking or slobbering as we meld into one.

The moment of it overwhelms me and I push away from him, disappearing through the crowd, leaving him standing there, wondering. What just happened?! I make a be-line for our table grabbing my best girls hand along the way as I push and pull us through the crowd and into the sanctuary of the ladies room. I tell her what just happened. "Calm down" she says "Have fun, go with it!" hmmmm that's a new concept relax, have fun? I think I can do that ? ? So we make our way back to our table and I begin to dance again. The DJ is doing his job well and every song is better then the next, I can't stop dancing, I am having an amazing time. I look over to his table, Tucker is typing feverishly on his BB. The moment has passed and I see no reason to go back so I stay where I'm at, happy and content.

Just then one of the other quite boys from his table approaches me, "Do you know who that is" No. "That's one of the biggest Producers in Hollywood!" Oh. I can't help but giggle and roll my eyes. Boys can be so silly, do they really think these lame stories get the girls? The nerve of this Tucker boy to send over his friend to sell himself to the girl. heehee Tucker's friend having accomplished his task walks back over to their table. I dance a few more songs but can't stop laughing to myself, I have to call this guy out on his lame attempt to get the girl. So I walk over to where he is sitting on the couch still typing into his BB. I put my hand on the sofa behind him and lean down. I yell into his ear over the screaming of the music I can't believe you had your buddy come over and talk you up to me. You're hilarious! You don't have to be some Hollywood Producer for me to want to dance with you. Tucker is just staring at me "What? I didn't tell him to go over there." Sure you didn't, I think to myself as I straighten up and begin to walk away. Tucker stands "hey where are you going?" - we begin to dance again. As the night wears on I tell him that if he's looking for a girl to take back to his room he would be better off picking another girl in the club cause I won't be going back to his hotel with him. I'm not that kind of girl despite what he might of been hoping our kiss was leading to.

We dance until the lights come on. My best girl and her boy are ready to go back to their room. I look at Tucker, he's not ready to call it a night so I tell my girl I'll be up to my room later.

Tucker and I walk out of the club and into the flashy, dinging chaos of the Casino. He pulls a couple hundred out of the "money" machine for me to play the slots. Definitly not a big time Hollywood producer - a couple hundred??? Please.
20 minutes later after the slot machine sucked up the last of the dollars I glance down at my phone, it's 5:46 in the early morning, I tell Tucker it's been fun, but I need to get some sleep. He walks me back to my elevator. We kiss again, talk & laugh in the alcove for at least an hour as people exit the elevators refreshed from a good nights sleep and on their way to a breakfast buffet of grease, grease and a stomach ache. I finally take the elevator up to my room ALONE. While still in the elevator I get a txt: I'm happy I met you tonight. Goodnight.

And so the story begins...

If things get too uncomfortable...

I got called for a flight...

A pilot who looks freakishly similar to Tucker called to see if I could take it. I haven't flown with this pilot in over a year! Remember that ass kissing I was telling you about??? Well I guess it worked, cause here I am bright and incredibly early at Van Nuys Airport preparing the Gulfsteam for a flight to the East Coast - Destination NYC with stops along the way.

As I am unloading my things onto the plane the Pilot approaches me,

"I have to warn you these guys party as hard as they work." I stare, he continues "We are making a few stops, our first one is in Vegas where we will pick up the other VP of the company along with some 'entertainment'. As you know everything is confidential in this business. If things get too uncomfortable back here for you, you are welcome to come sit up in the cockpit with us."
I stare, smile sweetly and respond "Oh no worries, I can handle it" I say as I straighten up the stack of Playboy Magazines and other similar ones that are strewn across the sofa.

Oh CRAP! I have heard of these "types" of flights, but I had yet to experience one. ewwww yuck!
But hey this is my job and one must always hold a level of professionalism in the work place no matter what... right?

My passenger pulls up (30 minutes late) to his $20 million gulfstream that costs $5,000/hr to operate in fuel alone! He gets out of his black expensive foreign made automobile. He is an older man in his late 50's possibly early 60's, tall, thin. Not incredibly good looking but not bad looking either. You could tell in his day he was a very attractive man, but now he looks like he's led a very rough life. Too much partying and not enough beauty rest. He boards his private jet, we introduce ourselves and he asks me for a "coffee, black". I hand him his coffee as he struggles to tie his tie. He gives up and tosses it on the seat next to him and settles into his leather seat as the plane begins to move.

The plane takes off and I get to work making sure my passenger is happy. "Can I get you more coffee, an omelette?" He wants to wait for the next leg before having breakfast but would like "a vodka with juice." It's 8am on a MONDAY but hey who am I to judge ? ? He's the one making enough millions to fly in a private jet while I struggled to find the money to fill the tank of my 4 runner. So I make him a stiff one. I cringe as I make it but as he takes his first sip I see the furrow of his brow cease as the liquid takes control of his veins.

25 minutes later we land in Vegas. My passenger is amped while I'm thinking "oh boy! Here we go! Can I handle this?" :/ The passengers arrive, but instead of the borage of women there is one single man walking down the tarmac. The smile on my pax quickly turns upside down.

We have one more stop. We pick up a girl about 2 hrs out from NYC. She has a "thing" with one of my passengers. Miss walks out of the FBO with Mr. She looks like every other "Hollywood" type girl, blonde flowing hair, tall and thin with boobs that make her waist look like that of Barbie. I pass her on the tarmac as they walk out to the plane. She casts her eyes toward me then down to the ground. I find it strange that she would find me intimidating, but I see it in her eyes that she is. She's not happy that I'll be on the plane with her and "her" man and it's not helping that my pax have coined me with the name "Sweetness"

I am relieved that my so called/expected "party" flight is nothing more then a Mr. picking up his Miss

Fast Fwd: The next day we pick up Miss & Mr. and Miss has a rock on her left hand the size of a small child! I can't help but stare - It has to be fake! Doesn't it?! I mean seriously, we'll have to redistribute the weight on the plane just so we don't end up flying sideways into NYC.

We are headed to NYC for the night - Tucker (no not my pilot look-alike) is in the city too on business, he might be investing in a Broadway Show. I leave my pilots to fend for themselves at the hotel as I rush up to my room, change and catch a cab into the city to meet Tucker at Rock of Ages. I haven't seen Tucker in months and I am anxious to see him again!

In the morning our pax board the Gulfstream and Miss was able to fit in a shopping spree in less then 24hrs. Mr. bought Miss a pair of Jimmy Choos and a Jacket for a grand total of $2,000. On our way back to the West Coast our first stop is to drop the Miss off at her destination. We are left waiting while Mr. & Miss whisper promises that they will be together soon...

As the plane takes off my lead pax approaches Mr.

"So what are you going to tell
your wife when you get home?"...

Diet Coke and the Uber Wealthy

So this is my first "official" blog although I have blogged a million times in my head the situations that have occured while flying the uber weathly in their private jets. The socialites, the celebs, the makers and shakers, the business guru, the no names. And seriously I must ask! at what point did all these people start flying private while I scrounge for a few bucks to be able to buy a ticket in the luggage compartment of southwest. Really though the best way to fly free is to zip yourself up in a hardcase suitcase have your buddy mingle you in with someones else's luggage at the curb and the world suddenly become your gateway - just don't forget your VOSS water and Diet Coke of course. Cause I swear, those with a high net worth ONLY drink Diet Coke AND by the gallons, its a fact! I haven't had a passenger yet that drinks anything else. Oh and dont get me wrong we offer everything and 10 out of 10 times its diet coke. That is except for Mrs. King, she prefers diet barg's rootbeer, but just for the fizz, straight from the can. i must say, i only drink Diet Coke now and just the other day I found a nickel on the ground, 4 cents more then the typical penny I find almost daily, so...

...there must be something to it!

Diet Coke Continued:

Okay so perhaps I am just imagining it but I don't think so - There is in fact a correlation between DIet Coke and the Uber wealthy. I just finished watching Tropic Thunder and in the very first 5 minutes we cut to Tom Cruise (high net worth Movie Producer) screaming on the video web for a "DIET COKE!!!!!" and throughout the movie we see Diet Coke somewhere on the screen when the clip goes to the movie producer (Tom Cruise) in his big lavish office in some $30,000 a month rent sky rise talking about massive sums of money and a GIV. Come on people! In this failing economy can we really take the chance?! Start drinking DIET COKE already! I can almost promise you the money will start flowing, or at the very least the ideas that you have, if followed through on will bring you all the money you hoped for IF you drink Diet Coke. Like the saying goes "An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away" in todays day in age of turmoil, conflicts and 401k's turning into 201k's the saying should go -

"A Diet Coke a Day Brings the Money Your Way"...

lifestyles of the rich

...the first thing I do when I get called for a flight to fly the uber weathly around the globe is GOOGLE them. You just have to love google! No? I mean how else would you know if the person you're about to go on a first date with is a serial killer? Married? Drugee? Or is going to take you to paris for dinner on his private jet instead of to his parents house - where he lives - so his mom can cook the two of you dinner?

But really back to the point- I google them, of course. And to my disappointment it's just another uber wealthy family, no claim to fame just sickingly RICH! So here I am sitting at the FBO where we wait for the passengers who must go off a different time zone then me because they are running late at usual. Just the same ol story "Hurry up and wait".

So I chat it up with the pilots hoping that if I do enough ass kissing I will get more flights-I'm contract after all and every ass kiss could lead to another flight and one dollar closer to the millions I will need before its me that is an hour late for my private flight to wherever I darn well please!

So they finally roll up - my extremely wealthy, perfect passengers to the Gulfstream V. Zooming onto the turmac in their loaded Range Rover and Audi. It's Mrs. with her young, extremely sexy boyfriend and her three kids off to enjoy the weekend in Utah skiing the slopes. I say "Skiing" because the uber rich don't "Board" it's WAY to middle class.

I am told not to mention to Mrs. that Mr. is off on another flight to another place with another Miss, but this is how the wealthy do it and I don't question it or judge it any more. Megan, the mother, is beautiful. Her kids are donned in the best clothing and I can't help but think as I hang up a hip leather jacket "would they know if it just disappeared?" Nevermind, it wouldn't fit me anyways.

There are 3 pilots for this flight and the jump seat is taken so I sit back with the passengers as we take off and I strike up a conversation with the son. A good looking kid - James Dean meets Harry Potter - probably 15 or 16 and extremely intelligent, I wish he were older and would ask me out As our conversation progresses I suddenly feel very public school educated and quickly shut my mouth. "what was that he was saying about Huck Finn? Did my public school teachers tell me that?"! As we reach 10,000 feet it is time for me to do my thing. I undue the gold buckle around my waist, slip out of the silky white leather seats and take my place in the galley preparing the meals I will serve on china and crystal to the run of the mill-

just another perfectly wealthy family.